Journal

by Samantha MacKenzie

Journal

It’s been a few weeks since I last posted to the blog. There hasn’t been any particular reason, I’ve got plenty to share with you, I just took a break from writing. This week I share a journal post but next week I’ll have a Christmas Gift Guide. Can you believe we only have 33 days until Christmas? And then we head into the 20’s!

It’s crazy the difference a year can make. This time 12 months ago I was in a completely different headspace. My anxiety was extremely bad, I was depressed, and I was still making myself sick with bulimia.

On the 27th on November 2018, I had my first appointment with a new Psychologist. I wont lie, I’ve seen a lot of different people for my mental health. When you suffer from severe anxiety its essential. I went in with the thought that this would be the same old story, talk about feelings and not really get anywhere with it. Instead, we put a plan in place to get myself back to where I had been a few years before.

Simple things like getting on a bus were impossible. I was terrified, but I couldn’t tell you why. That’s what anxiety does though. It creates fears that don’t make any sense at all. It’s almost like a fight between your anxiety (the fear) and your logic. You know the fear is irrational, but you can’t seem to get past it.

It’s taken time and energy, but working with my psychologist has helped me understand that challenging anxiety is the only way to show yourself that the feelings you experience are just that, feelings. You feel like you can’t breathe, you hyperventilate, fingers and toes tingle because of it. it’s a horrible cycle until you learn how to break it. breathing exercises, distraction, sometimes medication. The worst that can happen is you pass out, and that’s never once happened to me.

Today, I had my last session. Not because I’m cured, but because I’ve gotten to a point where I’m able to work through anxiety on my own. I travel on the bus almost daily. I can go on holidays, enjoy the beach, travel in the car etc… things can feel impossible until you’ve done them.

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